Why I've Been Avoiding My Own Business All Week

On filming, self-doubt, and the moment I realised procrastination isn't laziness — it's your nervous system trying to protect you

Last night I attended a webinar with a lovely lady called Elyssa Smith, learning about procrastination and how it affects business owners.

It genuinely felt like she was speaking directly to me.

For the last few months I've been putting together my very first Signature Styling Programme. My programme is for women wanting to start their days as stress-free as possible. Women who want to look and feel their best selves every day without a ton of effort and want to stop wasting money on clothes that don't work for them.
The average woman already spends 17 minutes a day deciding what to wear. My programme is designed to more than halve that.

The programme is due to start in September. And still is.
The workbooks were completed almost a month ago, but filming the 7 modules has been way more stressful than I ever thought. Not because I don't know how to film and edit, or lack the knowledge but because I've been worrying about the little things. Does my voice sound ok? Is my hair a mess? Is it obvious I'm filming in 31-degree heat, looking sweaty? None of that has anything to do with my programme.

I knew it was never going to be "polished." I'm not a 20-something Instagram model; I've not hired a hair and makeup artist or a professional film crew. It's just me speaking honestly and openly and hoping to make a difference.

Putting yourself out there, teaching people what you love, is scary. What if I give too much information, or not enough? What if the 7-day selfie exercise is too much for people? What if no one wants my programme? It made me doubt myself. What I've now learned is called the "self-doubt loop."

I finished filming Module 4 yesterday. It's been a slog. I've spent most of this week not doing the business tasks I normally would; I've been barely posting and not engaging as much as usual. I've been in procrastination mode all week, and most of last week too. Thought of "Have I been lazy?" and all the shame that comes with it.

What I learned in my hour with Elyssa is that I'm completely normal, and this pattern is often the result of repeated micro-trauma moments: times our thoughts and feelings have been dismissed by others, we've felt unsupported, or overly pressured and our nervous system telling us we're not safe.

I've not had more than a couple of days off since starting my own business. I even work most weekends. Maybe normal for a small business starting out — but I've decided to take next week off.

Normally I love doing social posts and designing products for PositiveHug and Alright Bruv, but that creative flow has vanished. So alongside working on my nervous system, I'm taking a much-needed break.

If you'd like to apply for my Signature Dressed & Ready System Programme, details are on my website: beyondthetrends.com

p.s If you want me next week, I'll either be chilling on my sofa, in the sun or pottering around the clothes shops in London